Go God Go (Retelling)
by South Down
Summary: In this retelling of the south park season 10 two parter, Cartman has to find a way to play Nintendo wii and survive a war in the future, with the help of some shocking allies.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone, This a new Fanfic I'm going to be working on alongside The Dark Time Comes and Crossover legends, It's a retelling of the season 10 two parter where Cartman ends up in the future, This will include many ocs and a new faction of atheists, Which will show up on my deviant-art account once the first chapter is done, Be sure to leave a review. :)**

It was mid afternoon at the south park mall and Cartman was seen pacing in front of the game store, waiting for the wii.

"Come on… Come on… Oh for the love of god how much longer?"

Just as he was pacing his mother walked up.

"There you are Eric what are you doing here?"

"I'm waiting for the new Nintendo wii to come out."

"When does it come out?"

"Three weeks… Come on… Come on..."

"It's time for school."

And With that, Liane took Cartman by the hand and led him away.

"No mom you don't understand!"

Cartman yanked his hand away and ran to the window.

"I've been waiting for this thing to come out for months, and now… everyday time is slowing down, it's like… waiting for christmas, Times a thousand."

"Eric you're just going to have to be patient."

Liane than took Cartman's hand and pulled him away.

"No… NOOOO!"

**Later At School.**

Mrs. Garrison was in right state.

"Principal Victoria it is wrong, it is wrong and I simply will not do it! I care about my students and I will not fill their heads with lies! I am not teaching evolution in my class!"

"Mrs. Garrison, evolution is in the school curriculum, We have to teach it." Explained Principal victoria.

"Evolution is a theory, A harebrained theory that says I'm a monkey! I'm not a monkey! I'm a woman."

"M-Mkay, you realize evaluation is pretty much… Proven."

"I warn you Principal Victoria, those students are not prepared to hear this stuff."

"Our students want to learn this stuff Mrs Garrison, And their mature enough to handle anything."

**Meanwhile.**

Cartman was figiting in his desk.

"How long until nintendo wii?"

"It's still three weeks." said Stan.

"Oh god… Okay, How long now."

"Will you shut up already?" Asked Kyle Annoyed.

Then Mrs. Garrison walked into the room.

"Alright kids, It is now my job to teach you the theory of evolution."

"Oh Boy." Exclaimed Butters excitedly.

"Now I for one think evolution is a bunch of bull-crap, But I've been told I have to teach it anyway, It was thought up by Charles Darwin and it goes something like this."

Garrison turned her attention to a poster about evolution.

"In the beginning we were all fish, Okay? Swimming around in the water, and then one day a couple fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different so he got to live, the retard fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day a retard baby fish crawls out of the ocean with its, "Mutant fish hands." and it had butt sex with a squirrel or something and it made this, a retarded frog squirrel, and then that had a retard by baby which was a monkey fish frog, and than this monkey fish frog had butt sex with that monkey and than, that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey and than that made you!"

She turned to class after she finished.

"So there you go, You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having buttsex with a fish squirrel, congratulations."

Cartman suddenly got out of his desk.

"Ah! I can't take it anymore!"

And he walked out of the room screaming.

"Yep, You see, I knew that would happen."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2.**

Later at the mall, Cartman was once again pacing outside the game store.

"Come on… Come on…"

One of the mall employees came up to him.

"Look kid, for the fortieth time pacing around the store isn't gonna make the wii come any faster,"

As he went back into the store Liane came up.

"Eric you're coming home right now."

"Can't I just stay and look at the sign a little longer?"

"It's almost bedtime, if you sleep than time will go by faster."

She once a again took his hand and led him away.

**Cartman residence.**

Cartman was still awake that night, He couldn't sleep, He turned in his bed and looked at his clock.

"... Oh God…"

"He tried to go back to sleep, but all night he kept tossing and turning in bed awake, when he looked at the clock it 2: 16, He got out of bed and went to the calendar, October 24 was when he pre ordered the wii, And it really was three weeks till November, He got on the computer and stared longingly at a picture of the wii, He tried more things to pass the time, Watch TV, Get a late night snack, and when he looked at his clock, it was 2:18.

"AAAAHHH! That does it! I AM NOT WAITING THREE WEEKS!"

The next morning he went to the bus stop where stan kyle and kenny were.

"You guys! You Guys! You guys you gotta help me."

Dude you don't look so good Cartman." Said Stan.

"I can't take it anymore you guys, the wait for nintendo wii is literally killing me."

"We'll there nothing you can do so you'll just have to be patient." Said Kyle.

"No, There is something I can do."

"What?" Asked Kenny.

"Alright listen, you know how in space movies they put astronauts in suspended animation so that their trip seems really short, right? I think I figured out how to do it?

"Do what?"

"Freeze myself, If I freeze myself than in three weeks when nintendo wii comes out, you guys can unfreeze me, the wait will seam instantaneous to me."

"No."

"It's simple science Kyle."

"You'll die! Retard."

"I'll die waiting for the wii to come out! Don't you see this is my only chance!"

"Dude no way."

"Yeah I hate you but I'm not gonna help kill you."

"I thought you were my friends! But I guess I was wrong, after everything we've been through together you evan help me freeze myself."

Cartman turned and marched away.

Later at school things were no better.

"Principal Victoria, We are a devout catholic family, Do you mind telling me why my daughter now thinks shes a retarded fish frog." asked Mr. triscotti.

"I told you this would happen didn't I?"

"Mr triscotti, I wasn't aware-"

"We have worked years to instill the teachings of jesus christ into our daughter and with one fell swoop you tried to destroy everything we did.

"I hear ya."

"Sir if you don't want your daughter to learn about evolution than we can pull her out of class."

"You most certainly will!"

"But dad, I want to learn everything." Said linda,

"No you don't shut up!"

And with that, the triscotti family left the room.

"Well I told you, we should leave evolution out of the classrooms."

"It has become obvious to me that you don't know enough about evolution to teach it, I'm having you replaced, Mr Dawkins."

On quee, Richard Dawkins himself walked into the room.

"Replaced?"

"Richard Dawkins is a world renowned evolutionary scientist."

"Charmed to meet you miss…"

"Shut up faggot! Principal Victoria I can teach my own class!"

"You are to sit in class and help Mr Dawkins with whatever he needs."

**Later in the Classroom.**

"Over billions of years life has evolved from simple one celled organisms to all the complex life we see around us."

"Whatever."

"It was change in hereditary traits that allowed the first mammals to breath in the air."

"Retarded fish frogs."

"Mrs Garrison, I believe that's a gross oversimplification."

"Well you're a faggot, Continue."

"You see children, Life has the amazing ability to change, to adapt, like changing us to the point that we walk upright."

"So you are saying that we're all related to monkeys."

"Well yes basically we are."

"You see monkeys in the zoo? They crap in their hands and throw em at people!"

"Mrs Garrison, this isn't theory, it is scientific fact."

"What about the fact that if I believe in this crap you're gonna go to hell? Doesn't that bother you a little?"

"Actually no, Because I'm an atheist."

At this Mrs Garrison sprung to her feet.

"Ah-Ha! I got you, you snake in the grass, I found you out!"

"I never covered it up."

"And If I'm a monkey I might as well act like a monkey huh?"

Mrs Garrison than start jumping around scratching herself and making monkey noises, and then…

"What on earth are you doing!"

"Don't ask me! I'm a fucking Monkey!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Sometime later at the Principal office.**

"Principal Victoria i was simply trying to make a point to Mr Dawkins, about the incongruity of some scientific statements."

"Mrs Garrison, I am pulling you out of the classroom."

"What!?"

"Principal Victoria I really don't think that's necessary, this woman is very opinionated but… she does care about her students."

Principle Victoria looked from one to the other and sighed.

"Very well but there is to be no more throwing of feces understood?"

Mrs Garrison walked out of the office, Dawkins caught up to her.

"Mrs Garrison, Mrs Garrison could I have a word with you please?"

"What?"

"Look I know you think were at war, But I want you to know, I admire your passion."

Garrison was stunned.

"You-You do?

"I've never met a woman with so much… fire."

This Flattered Garrison, who rubbed the back of her head.

"Well I… I do bring down woman's wrath now and again."

"So much boldness in a woman." Continued Dawkins. " So beautiful, I'm sorry I'm sure you have a husband but I…"

"No! N-no My Boy- Husbands le- go - d-dead."

"Would you then, Consider having dinner with me tonight?"

Garrison didn't know what to say.

Well… Well I suppose we could have a little stake or something.

Dawkins smiled at this.

Soon Garrison was skipping down the hallways with glee.

"I've got a date! I've got a date!"

Annie knitts and Heidi turner looked at her with confusion.

"You have a date?" Asked Heidi.

"My first real date with a real man since the sex change operation."

And she skipped out the school, still overjoyed.

"Oh boy what would I wear?"

And then she continued to skip into town.

"Hey everybody! I've got a date!"

**Meanwhile at Cartmans house.**

Liane had just come home with the groceries, she took out a food can and went to put it in the freezer.

"Hey!"

"Oh!"

"Close the door I'm trying to freeze!"

"Eric Get out of there!"

She then pulled him out.

"No! No! It's too soon!

"Eric this has gone far enough, you need to learn to be patient."

Cartman wasn't giving up so easily though, soon he went to Butters, He knocked on the door and Butters came out.

"Butters get your coat we gotta go."

"Go where?"

"Your gonna help me freeze myself."

"Okay"

Butters went back into the house to prepare.

Soon they were deep into the snowy mountains of colorado, trekking through the snow to find the perfect spot.

"Well, How come gotta come all the way out here?"

"Butters, If anyone else comes across my frozen body they'll try to unfreeze me right away, I have to be hidden."

Cartman chizzeld a whole in the snow took off his coat sat in the hole and started to bury himself.

"Now no matter what happens butters,You are not to unfreeze me until the day Nintendo wii comes out you got it?"

"Eric are you sure this is a good idea?"

"No, it's not a good idea, It's an awesome idea."

"Yeah, I guess it is."

"Okay you got the spot figured out, you're not gonna lose where I am right?"

"I got it, Big tree, Oval rock."

"Alright now get out of here, you can't freeze to or were both screwed."

Butters started to walk off but quickly looked back.

"Get out of here you asshole you gonna ruin everything!"

"Oh Geez."

And Butters went away, Leaving Cartman to wait.

"Yes… Common… Freeze… Freeze."

**Meanwhile.**

Dawkins and Garrison were at the french restaurant that no one could pronounce the name of for diner.

"So I told my gynecologist, You put so many things in my vagina maybe I should charge you!"

The two laughed at this joke.

"Oh Mrs. Garrison you are the most outspoken woman I have ever met, It's almost as if you're one of the guys."

"Yeah almost."

"You have so much spunk, so much life, if only you were an atheist."

"Well… Well you know… I'm open to stuff."

"Why is someone as outspoken as you given to his whole god thing?"

"Oh I'm not… I'm not totally into the whole god thing you know i just… I just think you can't disprove god."

"Well what if I told you there was a flying spaghetti monster, would you believe it simply because it can't be disproven?"

Garrison thought for a moment.

"Your right! It's so simple! God is a spaghetti monster! Oh thank you! geez, my eyes are open now."

Garrison got up in her seat.

"Hey everybody I'm a atheist!"

No one paid attention though.

"Really?" Asked Dawkins. "That's wonderful!"

"Yeah I totally get it now! Evolution explains everything! There's no great mystery to life just evolution and God is a spaghetti monster! Thank you richard!"

"You're so welcome."

"Would you like to… Head over to my place for desert?"

**Hey guys, I decided to stop here because of the next scene, I wrote this chapter at school and what happens next more suited to home, Hope you like this story so far, don't worry it will get fun soon. And don't forget to read my other stories and leave reviews for them see ya. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Warning, the following chapter contains sexual activities, If you are uncomfortable with it please stop reading.**

At Mrs Garrison's house, she and Dawkins were in bed with Dawkins thrusting into her.

"Oh yeah, Yeah I'm a monkey! Give this monkey what she wants!"

"Oh Mrs Garrison!"

"Yeah Pound my Monkey Hole richard! Yeah I'm a monkey alright!"

**Meanwhile in the mountains.**

The snow was falling hard and fast, Cartman was almost frozen by nightfall and his heart was starting to give out.

"Nin-ten-do… I'm coming… Coming Nintendo…"

With one final sigh, He was frozen.

The next morning Cartman was Frozen where he was buried, The sight where Butters left him was still visible.

Suddenly a Avalanche happened covering everything, Evan Cartman!

Cartman was buried.

**Ducktales theme starts playing.**

**Life is like a hurricane here in duckburg**

**Race cars. Lasers, air planes, It's a duck blur!**

**Might solve a mystery Or rewrite history! Ducktales Woo-Hoo!**

**Everyday their out their making Ducktales! **

**Tales of daring do bad and good luck tales! Woo-Hoo!**

**D-D-Danger lurks behind! There's a stranger out to find You! What to do? Just grab on to some ducktales! Woo-Hoo!**

**Everyday their out their making Ducktales! Woo-Hoo!**

**Tales of Daring Bad and Good, Not {ponytails or Cottontails No DUcktales! Woo-Hoo!**

Several Machines examined Cartmans Body.

"We have a pulse."

Cartman suddenly Became awake and coughed up a fit.

"Can you understand me?"

"Where am I?"

"My name is Spec, you are safe."

"Safe where Butt hole?"

"My friend, This is going to be a bit of a shock but, It is the year, 2546."

"What?"

"You have been frozen in ice for over 500 years."

Cartman ran to the nearest window and to his horror found out the spec was right!

"Butters… Butters You Black Asshole!"

Cartman felt a cramp.

"Please be careful, You are frail."

"Is the Wii out? Where's the Wii?"

One of the future people opened a screen and looked it up.

"Ah, Nintendo Wii, A primitive gaming device used in his time."

"Primitive? It has motion controlled controllers ass-wipe!"

"Young man you don't seem to understand, Your family Your friends, Everyone you knew, have bean dead for over five hundred years."

"Except Towelie and Mr Hankey."

Yes, Except Towelie and Mr Hankey."

"But is their a Nintendo wii?"

"The Company Nintendo went out of business years ago, Nintendo wii no longer exists."

Cartman was stunned.

"No… NOOOOOO!"

**To be Continued… **


	5. Chapter 5

**Back in the present, at school.**

"You must understand children we are dealing with very large numbers here."

"_That's my Man." _Thought Mrs Garrison.

"So, Evolution doesn't even happen by chance, It is in fact bound to happen."

"That's right kids, and so you see, there is no god."

"Careful darling, the school board doesn't like it when we…"

"Well there could still be a god." Interrupted Stan.

"What?"

"Couldn't evaluation be the answer to how and not the answer to why?"

"UH OH!" Cried Garrison as she got out a chime and started banging it. "Retard alert! Retard alert class! Do you believe in a flying spaghetti monster too, bubble head!?"

"I wasn't talking about spaghetti."

But Garrison ignored him as she picked up his desk and carried him the from of the room.

"Come on you, Your gonna have to sit in the dunce chair."

She placed in down and put a cone saying "I have faith."

**Afterwords.**

Garrison and Dawkins were sitting on the couch together watching Cartoons on nickelodeon.

"Mrs. Garrison… I'm not so sure what you did in class today was right."

"What… But… I thought you said the world would be a better place without religion."

"Yes… But to be so horrible about it… It just seems cruel."

Garrison scoffed.

"That's because you've been too soft on religious people in the past."

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it, With your intellect and my horridness we could change the future of the world!"

"How?"

"Simple, We just make people think like we do."

"I see."

Dawkins got up and walked to the window.

"I sometimes lay awake at night thinking about it, A world without religion, No more Muslims killing Jews, No Christians spawned abortion clinics, and I say to myself "The world would be a wonderful place." without god."

Garrison went over to him and wrapped her arms around his.

"You're the smartest man on earth richard, That world can be a reality, with my help."

**Meanwhile with the boys.**

"And I thought he was crazy before." Said Kenny.

"Yeah, He's really going nuts over this whole atheist thing." Agreed Kyle.

Stan Kyle and Kenny were all walking home from school talking about Garrisons new found faith in atheism.

"I still think evolution is the reason to how and not the answer to why." Mutterd Stan.

"Don't go telling that to Garrison again or You'll really get it," Warned Kenny.

"Yeah, Whatever." Said Stan.

"Are still upset about getting put in the dunce chair?" Asked Kyle.

"Yeah, I was just trying to make a point for christ sake! Not Preach about a spaghetti monster! Now everyone thinks I'm retarded."

"No they don't, I'm sure they think you knew what you were saying." Said Kenny.

"Hmm, Maybe you're right, I guess it's not a complete humiliation."

"In front of Wendy?" Asked Kyle.

"What?"

"Yeah, you know Wendy saw the whole thing."

"Oh C'mon, We broke up remember? I hate her."

"Do you." Asked Kyle. "I seem to remember you being jealous of me hanging out with during the egg project."

"Well… Yeah I… AGH!"

Stan marched away.

"I wonder where Cartman is." Thought Kenny.

**Meanwhile.**

Butters and Dougie were in his backyard dressed as Professor Chaos and General disarray, Pretending to be villains.

"Quick General disarray! Kill those super heroes!"

Dougie Made pretend laser shots at the toy comandos and knocked them down.

"Yes! Now the world shall feel the wrath of Professor Chaos!. HAHAHA!"

"Oh what Jolly good fun." SAid A Tied Up Pip.

Just than Butters Dad Appeared behind them with three cops.

"Butters, Have you seen Eric Cartman in the past few days?

Butters Froze. "Who Me?"

"It's very important son He's missing, have you seen or heard from him?"

"No sir."

"Alright then." Stephen and the cops went back into the house.

"C'mon Professor Chaos lets destroy this ant hill."

"Um Dougie? Pip? Can I ask you guys a scientific question?"

"Okay."

"Alrighty."

"Can anything bad happen if you completely freeze yourself for three weeks?"

"Yeah." Said Dougie.

"Like what?"

"You die." Said Pip.

"DIE?"

"Yeah, If you freeze your body, You end up dead, If you freeze it three weeks later you're still dead." Explained Dougie.

Butters was horrified. "OH HAMBURGERS!"

And He ran off.

He Reached the mountains where buried Cartman, With Dougie and Pip on his tail.

"ERIC! ERIC!"

"You just left him here without a jacket or anything?!" Asked Dougie in disbelief.

"He told me too!" Cried Butters.

"He's Dead for sure." Said Pip.

"Wait…"

Butters looked around to find the tree and rock but he didn't see them anywhere.

"It's all different, Nothings in the same place!"

"Oh my god…"

"Oh no…"

Butters began to frantically dig at the snow.

"Eric! ERIC!"

Dougie grabbed him.

"Butters! We have to get out of here!"

"What?!"

"No one's ever gonna find his body." Said Pip. "You have to say nothing about this you understand?"

"Yeah he's dead, and if anyone finds out you were apart of it you'll go to jail." Added Dougie

"But I just did what he told me!"

"It doesn't matter now, We need to go and never come back!" Said Pip

Pip and dougie began to go back the way the came.

"But guys…"

"C'mon we have to leave!" dougie called.

"Oh jumping jesus."

Butters than followed them.

**To Be Continued.**


	6. Chapter 6

**In the future.**

Cartman was sitting in his own quarters, which had been provided for him by the future people. He was feeling very sorry for himself.

"This is a disaster… Five hundred years in the future… With no Nintendo Wii!"

And Cartman began to cry.

Just than, Shvek and two others came into the room.

"Eric i have good news for you, We may have found you a Nintendo Wii."

"What? Really?!"

Cartman was delighted!

"Yes! Yes!"

"It's rumored that theirs on in the museum of classic technology in new new Hampshire."

"So I'm not to late, Common let's go!"

"There's just one thing though, Something we need from you first."

They went to the council chamber to explain.

"You see my young friend, You were unfrozen for a reason."

"Lots of people froze themselves in cryogenic labs and we don't unfreeze them, But you are special."

"How so?"

"You are from the time when a great event occurred, A glorious event that finally made all religion obsolete, Now the entire world is atheist."

Cartman rubbed his chin.

"And this gets me a Nintendo Wii how?"

"We believe someone you knew in your time was the person who first started our wonderful group: The Unified atheist league."

"Who?"

Before the medic could respond with a large shake was felt.

"What is sciences Name was that?!"

Outside was an enemy ship that had blown a hole into the building and just as it did and group of strange men charged in.

The unified atheist league came in to see it.

"Oh No! It's the united atheist alliance!"

"Oh science help us!"

The UAL began to fire at the UAA.

"Science damn you unified atheist league!"

"Who are they!?"

"The Alliance atheists, Were at war with them."

The two sides continued to fire what looked like lasers, But actually turned out to be metallic darts that explode their heads.

"No!"

"Jesus Christ!"

"Hahaha, You believe in a supernatural being."

Shvek was so distracted by Cartman's folly that he didn't see the dart hit his neck.

"Oh my science…"

Than his head blew up, with the UAL dead, The UAA Surrounded Cartman.

"I'm just a little boy from the past who wants to play Nintendo wii."

The UAA took him aboard their ship, and headed to the bridge.

"Put me through to the allied atheist alliance." Ordered the leader.

"On screen."

"Look allied atheist alliance, We have the time child."

The Allied Atheist Alliance turned out to be sea otters, their leader was on a hover chair.

"Science damn you United Atheist Alliance."

"Now you see, foolish sea otters, that we are the atheists in control."

"It won't make a difference, this is the dawning of the sea otter, Know this time child, I shall mash your skull like a clam on my tummy."

"What?"

**At the lair of the AAA.**

"Otters! The time has come! Sound the Nafferty!"

"The Nafferty!"

One of the otters went over to a large horn a blew into it.

The leader came out on a platform, armed for battle, and allowed a lens to drop to his nose.

"So… It begins."

**Back at the ship.**

"The AAA are preparing to attack! Battle Stations!"

"Activating Turrets!"

"Deploying battle ships!"

"Initiating force field!"

"Contact reinforcements!"

The UAA sent out several small aircraft's to protect the ship while a series of hatches were open to show Turrets.

"Oh god I'm fucked!" Thought Cartman.

"Any sign of the AAA?" Asked the leader?

"Negative, Are scans have not picked them up yet."

"Sir! We have them in our sights!"

Down below the AAA had arrived and were preparing to attack.

"Otters, Start up the shields!"

A large energy dome was turned on.

"Load Cannons!"

Several cannons were pulled up and aimed at the ship.

"Position Hooks!"

Large Grappling hooks were pulled up and also aimed at the ship.

Back on the ship.

"Sir they have prepared for any counter attacks!"

"Just keep moving forward."

As the ship moved into position the AAA leader saw his factions chance.

"Open Fire!"

The cannons fired straight up at the ship, which was protected by its own force field.

The battle raged for only a few minutes more, then something happened.

A shadow crept over the battlefield, The AAA looked up in horror.

"Oh shit!"

"Retreat!"

The Otters ran away with their tails between their legs.

"Reinforcements at last!"

"Uh sir, Those aren't our's."

"What then who's… Oh No."

Cartman looked out to see what they suddenly scared of, And what he saw, Made his jaw drop.

"Dear god it's… It's... "

"The Affiliated Atheist Union!"

The ship came into view to show it was a large Black Battleship with a large orange symbol that looked like a cross between the Autobot and Decepticon symbol, It immediately began to fire upon the ship destroying the shields and air fighters,

"Abandon Ship! ABANDON SHIP!"

"Hey what about me?"

"Use the escape pods!"

Everyone ran to the pods and ejected from them, Just as the AAU Was firing Grappling hooks and boarding shoots.

Cartman was panicking, Almost all the pods were taken in a desperate fit of desperation he found a unused Pod and Jumped into it, It launched and flew off.

"I should be safe now."

He was wrong, Something blew up behind him, He had been shot down.

"Oh Crap…"

As Cartman's pod went down he thought he saw something coming towards Him, Something Fast, It moved like a jet as it followed the falling pod, Before Cartman could make it out clearer, It crashed into the mountains side, Luckily for Cartman, He was unhurt, As He climbed out of the Pod, He looked up and stared in terror, THe figure that was coming towards him was now visible for him to see, As it flew in, Garbed him and Pinned him against the mountain.

"Did you think you could escape!?"

The Figure looked like a human being with Olive green Armor, Olive green wings with Blue stripes, Gatling Guns on his arms and Black boots, On his chest was the same symbol Cartman had seen on the ship.

The AAU Member threw Cartman to the ground, Cartman Bolted towards anything he could use as cover.

"Come Back, I just wanna fuck you up!"

Cartman Ran as fast as he could to find someplace to hide, All while dodging projectiles from his Attacker, He saw a hole in the ground, Conveniently big enough for him.

"I'll hide there."

He jumped into the hole, Just as the UUA Member could catch him.

"Little Fatty, Little Fatty, Let me come in…"

"Do you have Nintendo Wii?"

"Un… No…"

"Than Fuck you!"

"Alright you asked for…"

"**BLITZCRACKER!"**

The Agent whose name turned out to Blitzcracker, turned his attention to his communicator.

"Yes… Sir?"

"**Do you have the time child?"**

"No sir, Not yet, I have him trapped in a whole."

"**Bah! Your taking to long, Science Damn it BlitzCracker, We need that time child, Bring him back to ship so we may take him back to Terrafa."**

"Yes, Sir."

Blitzcracker, Now done with his conversation, Turned his attention back to Cartman.

"Now… Where were we?"

Unknown to him, While He was distracted, Cartman had found a way out of the whole, and was currently sneaking away, Hoping he wouldn't be caught, His hopes were dashed, In an Instant BlitzCracker was upon him, Grabbing him by the arm

"Na, Ah, Ah, You ain't…"

Blitzwing found holding Cartman, Pretty Hard.

"Ugh, How do you weight?"

"I'm not Fat, Asswhipe."

"Why don't you-"

Before he could finish, Something hit him square in the chest."

"AGGHHH!"

He dropped Cartman who scrambled away and saw a shuriken in BlitzCracker's Chest, It started to beep.

"Oh, That's it, I'm gonna…"

"**KABOOM!"**

When Cartman opened his eyes, BlitzCracker was blown to smithereens.

"Huh, Acolytes..."

Cartman looked up to where the voice was.

A figure jumped down and landed in-front of him, It was a boy around his own age, His hair was black and long, He wore a Black leather Jacket, Over a purple shirt, Grey pants and black shoes.

"Who are you?"

"I am someone who also wants you, Come with me if you want Nintendo Wii."


	7. Chapter 7

"Wait, Who are you?"

The two kids had been trekking for hours, Cartman had no idea who the kid who saved him was, But He somehow felt Familiar.

"No questions till we get there."

"Get where Butt-hole?"

"I said No Questions asked."

They trekked through the Mountain landscape for a few more miles before, Going down to a small meadow leading to a strange looking forest.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere safe, That's all you need to know."

"Will there be Nintendo…?"

**WHACK!**

"OW!"

"You were getting annoying."

"Asshole."

After a couple more miles they stopped again, this time in front of a large rock with a tree growing out of it.

"We're here."

"Where?"

"You'll find out."

The boy than walked up to rock and pressed his hand to it what turned out to be a button, A large narrow hole appeared in the rock large enough to walk through.

"This way."

The boy led Cartman down a dark stairway leading to god knows where, But hopefully with a Nintendo Wii, Eventually they came started to see some light and before them, (To Cartman's surprise.) Was a large cave, That looked like to was home to the boy.

"Were back!"

"Ah! Jacob, Dear boy you're back."

Coming down from a balcony To Cartman's shock, Was a Walking talking squirrel with Redish orange fur, and wearing a large brown robe.

"Father Squirrel, I have brought him."

"Ah, The time child, Excellent."

"Yep, that's him, Wasn't easy though, The AAA and UAA were fighting over him, Than the AAU came in and sent an Acolyte to get him, I took care of him though."

"Hmm, This is trouble to hear."

"Hey! Can someone tell me what the hell is going…!"

Before Cartman could say anymore, He Something bump into him, He looked down and Saw, A small little robot, With large black treds, A small white body, A purple R2D2 head, and tiny robot arms."

"What the hell is this?"

"**BEEP BO BEEP."**

"What?"

"He said He's E97-."

Cartman looked to whoever just spoke, And saw a Girl around his and Jacobs age, She had the same colored Hair as him, Tied back into a long Ponytail, She wore a grey Sleeveless Tank top, Blue Jeans, Suspended by a brown leather belt, She knelt down to the little Robot.

"I made him myself."

"Uh-Huh, So Where's Nintendo Wii?"

"Uh, Nintendo Wii?" Asked the Girl.

"Yeah, Nintendo Wii, Where is it?"

"We don't have One." Said Jacob.

"**OH COME ON!"**

The girl stared blanky at this fat kid.

"Uhh, Who is this?"

"The most annoying tub of lard I've ever met Sis."

"**EY!"**

"Now, Now Jacob Enough of that, Ahem, So my boy I take it you know why Your here?"

Cartman Nodded.

"I was unfrozen because I lived in the time when Religion became obsolete."

"That's The UAL's Version of Why your here." Said a low growl of a voice. "They along with the other atheist groups brought you here for Power, We brought you here, To Help us In our fight Against our ultimate Enemies."

The owner of the voice emerged from the shadows, It was (In Cartmans Eyes.) A massive creature that looked like a mix between a bear and a human being.

"What the Hell is that!?"

"That my Friend, Is ManBear, Our Strongest warrior." Explained Father Squirrel.

"Right so, What exactly do you want from me?"

The Girl looked at Cartman closely.

"You haven't figured it out have you?"

"Figured out What? And Who are you?"

"I'm Bridgette, You mean you don't know who me and my Brother are?"

"No."

Jacob Step in front of Cartman.

"Quick Question, Do you Remember Stanley Marsh?"

Cartman was surprised.

"How do you know that name?"

"Take a good look at me And Bridgette."

Cartman looked from the Two Siblings, Their Hair Did kinda look like Stan's and they did feel…That was when Cartman realized.

"Wait… You mean?"

"Yes, Stan Marsh is our Ancestor."

**That... Was a long time of Hard work. Please Review Fav, and Follow.**


	8. Chapter 8

Cartman was in a state of Shock.

"You Assholes are descended from… Who?"

"Stanley Marsh, One of your friends from the time you came from."

Cartman Stared at the two Kids, The more he thought about it, They kinda did look a little like Stan.

"How can I know that you're telling the truth?"

"Well, You're just have to believe that yourself." Shrugged Jason.

Cartman gave an unimpressed look. "Yep, You guys totally come from the Loins of that hippie."

"Very Funny."

"Still doesn't explain what You want from me or What the AAU is."

The group of Five looked at each other for a moment, Before Jacob stepped forth.

"You wanna know? Well, I'll start with AAU,"

"_A long time after Atheism took control of the world, Everything was a virtual paradise for all who accepted it, Until the Rise of Draksomore Black, A descendant of another of your past friends, Token black, He had potential, He was clever, Charismatic, Inspiring, Awesome, and had a strong heart, But it was in the wrong place, When the Great question came about, He invented a theory which he thought might be the answer to it, Many agreed with this mindset, And he rallied many to his Cause. He called his forces the Affiliated Atheist Union, Also known as, The AAU, Draksomore used senator Jonathon marsh, Our Father to gain access to the codes to the ancient archives of New New York, And then used them to dethrone and eradicate the Darricon dynasty, the royal Family of tyrants that controlled atheism at the time, Who were also known as the Atheists in control, The irony is, Once the Darricon family were all gone, Draksomore himself became a tyrant, Worse than the Darricons, Full of Avarice, Greed, malice, and an obsession to eradicate all who dared to oppose his ideals, His original goal of using those Ideals to better the world were completely gone, Only pure madness remained._

_There was hope however, In our darkest hour came forth a bright light of hope, Lord Cedric of the house of Nelson, Through reading various history books about the time before Atheism, He began to see that the world truly did need religion to make a balance between it and Atheism, But he also realized that Draksomores methods were wrong, Draksomore did not care about the well-being of the lower classes and those who still believed in religion, Only for complete control and the need to dominate, The same could something be said of the other Atheist Groups, Who were just of not less power hungry as the man they came to fear and hate, Lord Nelson swore to make sure their bigotry against religion and each other was put to a stop and formed his own faction to In time, The five factions began a war to determine the ultimate answer to the Great question._

As the Flash back ended, Jacob took a deep breath and Sighed.

"So, There you have it, And Now…"

Much to his Chagrin though, Cartman had fallen asleep midpoint through the story.

"Uh, Wha, Sorry I was asleep, So What exactly does all this have to do with me?"

Father Squirrel Was talking now.

"As I'm sure the UAL have told you, You lived in a time when Religion became obsolete in the Eyes of Man and Otters."

"Yes."

"Well, They Probably Never Told you that though Religion may have became obsolete to them, There are those that still believe that faith in a mythological being has a place in the world."

"And those are?"

"Us of course, The Religion Fighters, For years we have waged secret and Guerrilla Warfare against the Petty Atheist Factions, In hopes that one day they may see, That different beliefs do not matter In the End."

"Where do I come in?"

"They believe you are the Answer to what they having been fighting so long to figure out." Explained Jacob. "The Answer to the Great Question, Which they want you to help them with."

"So basically everyone just wants to answer some, "Great Question?"

"Pretty much." Said Bridgette.

"And you want me to help you?"

"That's what I just said." Said Jacob.

Cartman thought for a moment.

"What's in it for me?"

The Religion Fighters looked at each others and huddled together whispering to another, With their back turned to Cartman, Who was curiously trying to listen in to the conversation, After a few moments they turned to face him.

"In return, We will help you find this, "Nintendo Wii" You speak of." Said Father Squirrel.

Cartman was delighted.

"Will you? Yes! Oh yes, Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Where do we start?

**To be continued.**


	9. Chapter 9

Lord Dracksomore Black sat in his Throne room, Awaiting the Report of his scouts, He was a large and Intimidating African american Man, Dressed in Silver Armor with No Sleeves, With the Symbol of the AAU on his chest, His Hair was just like Tokens Hair and wore a large Black and Red Cape and Cowl, But is was his Eyes that made him more Terrifying, On Eye was Blood Red, The Other was As white and Dead as the Moon itself.

He sat upon his throne Glaring down at the Door as it opened, Revealing three troopers and a Sergeant Entering the Room.

"Sir, We searched for the TIme child, But we couldn't find him, And BlitzCracker is dead."

Dracksomore Scowled Contemptuously.

"Is there Any Good News?"

The Sergeant Shook his head.

Dracksomore then descended from his throne, Grabbed the Hapless Sergeant by the throat and Crushed it.

"Clean this up."

The Two soldiers dragged the Body of their Deceased officer out of their Masters sight.

"If you keep murdering your Officers master you won't have any left."

That Voice Belonged to an Old man, Probably in his Sixties or Seventies, With a black Robe and a small beard, Who stood in the Shadows.

Dracksomore scowled.

"Perhaps If their cowardice and Incompetence didn't impede our Campaign Thompson, We would have crushed the other Factions."

"The other Factions would have been destroyed by now already If I was calling the Shots."

This Second Voice belong to a young Dark haired white man, With One eye replaced by a cybernetic one and Dressed in a Standard issued AAU Uniform.

"Bah, What Nonsense Dreggor, You couldn't lead a parade if you life depended on it."

"My time will come My lord."

Dracksomore Sniffed.

"Bah, Don't make me laugh, Now than I need to find the Time child, Tell Dr Eyewave to examine the last memories of BlitzCracker before his demise."

Dr Eyewave had been apart of the AAU for many years, He was A Black Sea Otter in Red Armor Inspired by the Decepticon, Shockwave, Everyone was unnerved in the AAU by him and his cool logic which was also a major aspect of the Character Shockwave, Also Inacrodance He had a cybernetic Arm the Resembled Shockwaves from G1 and his head was just like him to, However these were Red, as were his Armorplate, Which had a big Orange AAU Symbol on it, It was the same color of his single Eye.

Now he was Examining the Remains of the Operative known as BlitzCracker, Draksomore stood over him as he worked.

"Anything of value?"

"I managed to get this piece of Memory out."

Eyewave pulled out a small disk from BlitzCrackers head and put in a Large video Player, Which he then turned on, The Video itself showed BlitzCrackers final moments before his Termination.

Dracksomore Slammed his hand against the wall.

"Damn, Rebels Especially coming from Marsh's Own Spawn."

"It would appear the time child is in the Religion FIghters Possession now." Shrugged the Old man.

Draksomore shot a glare at him.

"If our Ancestors were not Comrades, I would have Killed you where you Stood by now, Tucker."

"Of course, My lord Forgive my Jests."

Draksomore just scoffed and continued his talk with Eyewave.

"Where do you think they could be now?"

"If I could guess my lord, I'd say due east."

"To where?"

"I can't exactly answer that at the Moment, I may need to bit more work, SharpShell, Playback the boys direction."

A Purple Crap person with one eye and a Robotic claw where A pincer should named SharpShell obeyed his fellow exiles command.

"There, They must be Heading East."

Dracksomore's Scowl turned into a smirk.

"So they think to evade me, Do they? Get me Skullbane and Skyswitch, I have a task for them."

**To be Continued.**


	10. Chapter 10

The Journey had gone on for twelve days, They trekked over mountains, Marshlands and futuristic Meadows to reach their Destination.

Cartman was starting to get tired from it, He wanted a rest but everytime he tried to he was prodded along by Jacob.

The Group eventually Reached a large meadow, And Stopped to Take a rest, Much to Cartman's Relief.

"All this Trouble for Nintendo Wii is killing me."

"Maybe you'd Prefer it if we left you for the AAU to come of you again?" Asked Jacob.

Cartman considered.

"Uh, Never mind that."

"We should be just a few more days to the Headquarters by now." Said Father Squirrel.

"Really? Cause It feels like we've been traveling for ages! And Another thing, Why were you guys living far away from the rest of your faction.

"Lord Nelson keeps his forces small and Separated, That way we can work behind enemy lines and take them out from within." Explained Bridgette.

"Thats… Complex, Don't you have any Organized Forces?"

"We do." Said ManBear. "But only when the Moment calls for it."

"Pretty soon that moment will call." Said Jacob.

"When?"

"When we present you to Lord Nelson."

"And then I get Nintendo wii?"

Jacob sighed.

"Yes, Than you can get your nintendo wii."

"Well, I hope so, Because so far, I have been left Completely Unsatisfied by how long it's taking me to get it and-"

"Alright, Lardry! Would you "not" keep your mouth Shut for like? 9 Hours, It's getting on my Nerves!" Snapped Jacob.

"Okay, Fine."

**Meanwhile.**

Draksomore stood in front of his Throne Room, With two more of his Acolytes, One was a Large Muscular Man with a purple Top and a 8-pack with a turret on his right Shoulder and his Head Covered by a white mask, Green tubes were Connected to his Arms and he had Black Pants with Brown boots, With Metal Soles.

The other was a Fully Armored man with a Helmet and Red wings on his back, As well as a pair of Cannons, He had Red Shoulder pads and Black Gloves.

"Baneex and Thunderis, You have an important task ahead of you, The Time child has Fallen into the Hands of the Religion Fighters, Your task is to find them and Bring back the Time child, Before they get him to Lord Nelson, Once you have the Time Child set route for these Coordinates, Our troops will join you there, Dismissed."

"Yes, Lord Draksomore."

And the Two Acolytes went off, As a figure stood in the Shadows.

"Blitzcracker couldn't get him, What makes you think those idiots could get him?"

"Because unlike you girl, They have succeeded more times than they have failed, Unlike a certain someone I can Mention."

The Girl Growled.

"I will be the one to get them, You know who saved him, I will get to him first."

And with that she left.

"Good luck with That, Fool."

**To be continued.**


End file.
